FROM SMALL BEGINNINGS, COME GREAT THINGS!

Tommy knows...

2011-01-10T04:51:00.000-08:00

Since my last blog, I begin the denial portion of this grieving process. I had my mom bring Tommy in to my office so I could retest him. Of course I came up with similar results. I just needed to test him myself. One thing that triggered my denial was that my mother, his teacher, his speech therapist told me that they do not "see" the hearing loss. Mark and I both notice the hearing loss and have for a few months. I will always question when the hearing loss began if I could of or should of diagnosed it sooner. This will always haunt me but the truth is that Tommy's speech is age appropriate and he is just as "smart" as his twin brother. There was no indication before the last new months that he nother more than chronic OM.

Also, the day I tested Tommy, I told him about his hearing loss and that he would be getting hearing aids. He smiled ear to ear and said "so I'll be able to hear again". I almost burst into tears. He seems pretty accepting and excited about the hearing aids.

I also told Liam about Tommy and his hearing (since Tommy can't hear our laptop at home). Liam turned to Tommy and said "it's OK Tommy, I have hearing aids too. They are just in my heart!". I have no idea what this means but it sounds super cute and super sensitive to the situation. He keeps saying that when the topic comes up. Maybe Tommy understands it. LOL

Also, since Tommy was so excited about the hearing aids I went ahead and made his earmold impressions. I just have to place the orders, if I ever could make a decision.

A New Year, A New Challenge

2011-01-05T06:45:00.000-08:00

I am starting up my blog once again to help me and maybe someone else out there going through a similar challenge. I come with this problem from an interesting perspective. Here is our situation.....

I am an audiologist and I now have a hearing impaired child.

Just typing these words bring utter tears to my eyes. I want to say that I know this could be tons worse. He does not need a heart or a kidney what he needs are hearing aids. I never thought my emotions would be so mixed up and intense. I do this work on a day to day basis. I deal with these issues in other people's lives every day. What I am learning in this process that I know everything and I know nothing all at the same time.

I will be updating this blog with my emotional baggage in this process, with the process Tommy goes through, with working through the audiologic decisions I will make, with the reaction of family and friends and all that encompasses the hearing impaired world.

I am not going to go into much detail on his hearing history other than to say that Tommy passed his newborn hearing screen. He developed chronic otitis media and had 2 sets of tubes. Of course while he had active infections, his hearing was poor but after the first set of tubes his hearing appeared normal. He just had a second set of tubes placed and we finally got an accurate haering test and he presents with a moderate flat sensorineural hearing loss. I can second guess my process a zillion times but i believe his hearing loss has been a gradual diminishing masked by all his ear infections.

So audiologically, which hearing aid do I as an audiologist choose for my son. I have heard a few opinions ranging from "Karen, pick which hearing aid you are most comfortable with" to "Karen, stay out of this decision and fit the hearing aid that the audiologist who will fit Tommy uses most". Wow, 2 experts, 2 totally different views.

It wouldn't be bad except that my friend who will be fitting him uses a totally different manufacturer than I prefer. To get specific, my choices are Phonak or Oticon. The advantages of Phonak is that it is a smaller instrument, it is the choice of my friend doing the fitting, they are well known for pediatric hearing aids. The disadvantages are that I don't feel comfortable with their products, I have never had great success with them, I am not in agreement with their sound recover rational in a hearing loss like Tommy has.

Oticon on the other hand has the advantage of it is my preferred choice of hearing aid manufacturers (but I fit adults not kids), they have a line of hearing aids just for kids although their product is larger and I like their fitting rational of actually amplifying the high frequencies.

When I explained these choices to Mark, he thought it was a no brainer that we go with Oticon and I am leaning that way right in this moment. There are a few other considerations, I have to weed through like the school FM system and what I can get the manufacturer to do to help me with the cost.

I'll keep you updated on my decision.

I have called the school and they seem more than helpful in helping obtain the FM system for Tommy.

So these are these logistical things I have been dealing with and getting these decisions made are helping me.

One thing you may be thinking is what does Tommy know....right now we have not told Tommy anything. We will sit him down today or tomorrow before we go to have his earmolds made and explain to him as best we can about what will happen.

We are fortunate that our niece Allison has a best friend, Jordan who is hearing impaired and wears hearing aids. Tommy knows Jordan well and loves her and knows she has hearing aids. He also knows that Papa wears hearing aids. I am hoping this aids in his acceptance of his hearing aids.

I know so many people with far worse problems than this so I don't want this to feel like a "poor me" type of blog. It will be my therapy, my outlet, and my peace of mind.

2010-01-07T06:43:00.001-08:00

Just testing my mobile blogger

How Time Flies

2009-10-19T12:27:00.001-07:00

I have been neglecting my blog again and I keep promising I would be better at posting.

Here is a list of things we have been doing since my last post

1. Took a Family Trip to Florida. It was nice to get away but little dudes were a handful this year!
2. Liam and Tommy started Preschool!!! They love it especially riding the bus!
3. Little dudes started swimming lessons. They are usually off in their own worlds but love the water!
4. Tommy loves playing his CD's on his radio. It is his favorite thing to do now.
5. Liam will tell you that he is shy and won't ring his bells or sing at school. (Liam is not my shy one so that if so funny to us).
6. Probable Swine flu went through our house and somehow I escaped it! Knock on Wood!
7. RIP Samson. We said goodbye to our Big Guy. I still tear up at the thought of him. I loved that dog!
8. Redecorating the boys playroom. Taking me longer than expected but with me what else is new!
9. Starting to remodel upstairs bathroom, if only I could make a decision!
10. Loving life being a wife and mom! Nothing new there either!!

You are 3!

2009-08-05T12:03:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday Little Dudes (your birthday was yesterday but mom had no time to post)

to my dear William,

This has been an amazing year for you. You started it with very few words and now I can't keep you quiet. You nearly bring me to tears at night when you tell me "I love you too, Mommy".

You hate wearing clothes especially your shirt and shoes. You get dirty very very easily but you love getting "hot showers".

You love to help mom by stirring your own oatmeal, putting the dogs in their rooms and clipping your car seat. It can be a bit of a power struggle sometimes but mommy tries to be patient so you can learn and grow.

You always tell Tommy you are sorry when you hurt him and you love to wake him up in the morning by singing "tommmmmmy, time to wake up". You and Tommy have such a great bond and friendship. You laugh and play and wrestle with each other.

You love to watch TV especially, Dora the Explorer and Max and Ruby and Tom and Jerry. I have to drag you away sometimes or you would sit for hours watching it.

You have grown this year and now are on the growth chart for weight for the very first time.

I love you so much. I am so proud of you!!!

Happy Birthday William!

To my darling Tommy,

You are my cuddler. Your favorite place to be is in my lap reading books. You love books, all books. I don't even think you have a favorite. You can read books for hours.

You have grown so much this year. You started the year barely saying a word and now you can't keep quiet.

At night when you go to bed you say "just one more kiss mommy, one more kiss". It melts my heart and you can get about another 30 minutes of awake time playing this game with me. You so know how to manipulate me already.

You are great scooter rider and are still getting the hang of riding the bike. You like to "peddle, peddle , HONK".

You love to play with Bella and will often take her into your bedroom and close the door just to have her all to yourself.

You love to listen and dance to music at Grandma and Papa's but will instantly stop when you know someone is watching.

You tend to be a bit of a poke and it takes a lot to get you to listen. I am trying to be patient with you and know that you are doing your best to please mommy everyday.

I love you so much. You are growing up so fast and I so proud of you.

Happy Birthday!!!

Dear Blog,

2009-07-25T18:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog,

I have to write to apologize for spending more time on other people's blogs than spending time with you. I guess looking at other people's lives believing they live these perfect lives with spotless homes and well-mannered children and not a care in the world has been easier than spending time with you deciding what to reveal about my totally not spotless home and my children that are known as a "handful".

So to update you on our lives here is what is going on.....I'll start with today. Today we had a family day and spent it going to Hartville Fleamarket. It was a little disappointing but I did manage to buy some great Amish fruits just to find out they are not even from this country...lovely but thank you New Zealand for the wonderful grapes.

They boys are learning to ride big boy bikes with training wheels. William has mastered it quickly but Tommy likes to peddle, peddle, STOP! They thought they were all that when they rode to the ice-cream store.

On a cute note.....William got this ice-cream cone went around the side to the tables and then said "I want to say Thank-You". So he marched back to the teenager at the window and said in the softest voice "Thank-you". It's times like this when I think I must be doing something right!

I had a week off of work and I purged my home and had a garage sale. A lot of work for a very little money. I do have to say that the weather did not cooperate. Feels good to have lots of closets on the empty side.

The boys are learning what they can get away with which parent. Mark was at work yesterday and I told the boys it was time for "hot showers" (as they like to call them). I let them hold the shower head and spray the walls. Mark does not!!! When I told them this William exclaimed "spray walls, daddy is not home".

Tommy sometimes now refers to William as Tommy and William calls himself Tommy so names get quite confusing in our house. Somehow they never forget that I am mommy and if I go missing for even a minute I hear shouting "Where are you Mommy?, Where are you Mommy?".
Never a moment of peace of Mommy but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I am loving life. Life is indeed good but I think you have to know hard times to appreciate just how good Life feels to me now!

I'll try to be a better Blogger and not neglect you so much and I am going to try to envision everyone else's life just as crazy and messy as mine can be sometimes!

Karen

Miracle Babies Turn 3

2009-07-11T18:13:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how fast this summer is flying by. We are having a great time and the little dudes are enjoying every new adventure.

Today was a very special day for us. It was the Miracle Babies Turn 3 birthday party. This is a special time of year for our NICU friends. We spend our summers celebrating the very special lives of our amazing children. These special children have the most amazing mothers. These mom's were all told at one time or another that their children would either not survive or would be severely multi-handicaped. These mothers all fought for their children and valued their life despite odds that would make anyone shutter and question every decision. It is amazing we all came together and continue to support one another. All the children defied the odds. It is truly a celebration of life and love.

This year we all pitched in and rented a bounce house. The kids loved it. We was such an enjoyable day! Thanks Carrie for use of your house.

At 3 years old we still can't get all the kids to sit for a picture. It was better than last year so maybe the 4th birthday we will them all looking and smiling.

One more note....William was sick and could not attend. Broke my hear to leave him behind but it was for the best of all the children.

Kiley and Tommy, One special friendship from the start (Kiley weighed only 14 ounces at birth)

Miracle Babies, Luke, Nicholas, Tommy, Owen (on couch), Kiley, Olivia, Conner (in front), Brigid (missing)

Weekend Photos Fun with Cousins

2009-06-07T12:36:00.000-07:00

African Safari Adventure

2009-06-01T17:12:00.000-07:00

I had the day off work today and we spent it going to a African Wildlife Safari about an hour and half from our house. The weather forcast was warm and sunny but as we were driving west the thermometer in the car kept going lower and lower and the clouds kept darkening. I got very worried our day would be a wash-out. I hate Ohio weather.

Well as luck had it, as soon as we pulled in the rain subsided. We paid our astonomical price to get in and got our cups off food and drove in the gates. We were instantly greeted by very friendly Elk putting their heads in the car to get the food. We all burst out laughing and the fun began. Little dudes were sooo excited and kept saying Hi to all the animals. There were Llamas and Deer and rams. Our favorite were the Buffalo. They were very friendly and surrounded our car.

Besides the car ride through the Safari, the Little dudes got Pony Rides. I can't believe how much they enjoyed them and they were not really scared.

All in all it was an amazing family day. We even were lucky enough to have Christopher with us. He is staying with us for a week! Love having him here with us.!

Enjoy the pics

Tommy did it

2009-05-05T05:18:00.000-07:00

This morning started like any typical morning. I was racing around trying to get myself ready for work, the boys lunches made, the boys up and changed and dressed. Then out we go to the car to go to the babysitters. I get the boys in the minivan and then I climb in and get William in his seat. Tommy jumps into the front seat usually to press the hazard lights on. Well today, he pressed another button without me knowing, the door locks. So I get Tommy into his seat, I get out of the car and close the sliding door and then realize, I am locked out and they are locked in with my purse and keys. For some reason, I had both sets of keys in my purse today.

So I call the police and he arrives along with a big fire truck! They boys were sitting happily in their car seats smiling at the policeman and fireman. It took 20 minutes for them to get the door unlocked.

They finally get the door unlocked and then open the sliding door and William shouts "Tommy did it!". What a laugh that got but he has to learn not to throw his brother under the bus like that!

Too much excitement before 7 am for mom!

March for Babies 2009

2009-04-29T11:06:00.001-07:00

Last Sunday was Cleveland's March for Babies. It was a 4 mile walk around Cleveland and for all those reading this that are curious, Yes, Mark did survive the walk even the uphill parts! LOL

It was an absolutely gorgeous day in Cleveland (well as gorgeous as Cleveland can get).

Since I am the Family Teams Chair, I got to thank the family teams and introduce the Ambassador Family.

We had a much bigger team this year. I'll have to count but I believe there were at least 20 walking for my miracle babies team! I am pleased to report that so far our team has raised $2700.00. This should put us in the top 5 family teams again this year. I feel very happy and proud in this economy that we were able to generate this much support.

At the post event festivities, Liam and Tommy chased around all the costumed characters such as the Chick Fil A cows, Kmart's blue light, McGruff the crime dog, and their personal favorite was the Energizer Bunny because he let them bang on his drum.
They were 2 tired little boys by the end.

Special thanks to Jen Lawson at the Northeast Ohio March of Dimes. She does an amazing job and just about single-handedly pulls this event off! Amazing!

Three Years Ago Today

2009-04-24T05:08:00.000-07:00

Was one of the worst days of my life! This ranks right up there with the day my sister died. I do think that you have to have these days in order to appreciate the good days and the great days but this day changed me. Interesting, that I think it changed me for the better.

You see, on this day three years ago, a physician who i had every hope in, who i prayed would give me some hope, looked me in the eyes and said these exact words "I know it took you 3 years to get pregnant, but if you don't terminate this pregnancy and start over, there is a good chance these babies will die or end up in a nursing home the rest of there life'. i should add that he said this while tying his shoe. All i can say is "BASTARD".

Even after I am on the other side of a monoamniotic pregnancy and I know I have 2 wonderful beautiful and healthy little boys, these words can come back an haunt me.

The thoughts and emotions i had this day are unbelievable. Never for a minute did I think of terminating my pregnancy but the fear of bringing preemies into this world did scare the heck out of me. Was is fair to knowingly make them struggle those first months? But i think just has i struggled through the pregnancy with it only making me a different better person. i am hoping their struggles only prove to make them better people as well.

I think i had to get through this day so i would be passionate about saving babies, about helping other monoamniotic moms and never ever taking my boys for granted.

i will never forget this day. The day someone thought my unborn babies weren't worth the sacrifice. WEll, they were Dr. Emery, They were!

What's your name?

2009-04-13T11:09:00.000-07:00

I don't think my boys look a like at all but I am reminded at family gatherings that indeed they are identical twins and others can't tell them apart.

So on Easter Sunday someone asked William what his name was and he responded "Tommy". A little while later my niece brought Tommy inside and she was calling him Liam. I said, "Lindsey, that is Tommy" and she said "He told me he was Liam".

Ugh oh, we are in big trouble that they are starting this at age 2! LOL!

Proud Mommy!

2009-04-12T17:58:00.001-07:00

I have been a bad blogger lately but I want to write a story about my little dudes that I don't want to forget.

We had a March of Dimes function held at a daycare center and a little 5 year old girl was there who had severe Cerebral Palsy. My boys had not seen a disabled child before and they were looking her way curious. I took them by the hand and went and introduced them to Amanda. I didn't want them to be afraid and I certainly did not want her to feel left out. She smiled and knew we were there talking to her. I showed Liam and Tommy how she could feel a soft stuffed animal.

A little while later I was talking with some adults but then scanned the room to look for my boys. I found Tommy sitting next to Amanda with a big smile on his face helping her feel the soft toy. My heart could not feel more proud. He looked so proud of himself and so happy he was playing with Amanda.

William was interested in pushing her stroller around. He also tried to interact with Amanda and include her.

I am so lucky to be their mommy. They teach me so much and watching innocence is remarkable!

What happened to Jesus?

2009-03-31T18:56:00.001-07:00

William: excited and running to me....."Mommy, mommy, what happened to Jesus? What happened to Jesus?"

Mommy: (thinking this was a learning moment, "He died for our sins and then rose from the dead"

William (pointing to blinds): "No Mommy, what happened to Jesus?"

Mommy: seeing crusifix lying on top of blinds "Oh William, don't throw Jesus on top of blinds, we need to put him back on the wall".

3 year ago today

2009-02-24T08:42:00.000-08:00

Three years ago today at 3 am I had to pee. So I took out the home pregnancy test and peed. I couldn't believe what I saw. The slightest second line appeared. I couldn't believe it. I never dreamed this would ever happen. I got out another test and again a small 2nd line appeared. I woke up Mark and said "do you see 2 lines?" He had no idea why I was asking or what it meant. I think he thought I finally lost my marbles.

I called my mom to tell her. I went to work and called the doctor's office. They sent me for bloodwork. I couldn't wait to get the results. The nurse called and said "congratulations, you are pregnant". When I got the bloodwork results, I called Mark and said "you are going to be a daddy!". Turns out he was at duncun donuts, so he told the cashier. Funny, she was the second to get the official word on our pregnancy.

I had to go back 48 hours for repeat bloodwork to make sure the numbers doubled. Well they tripled. I was thrilled.

This day three years ago, began an amazing journey that has forever changed me in ways I never would have thought possible. This began months or challenges and life altering choices and decisions which had to be made. My faith in God and the love of my family and friends sustained me through this time. I am eternally thankful to have such wonderful people in my life. Somehow I made all the right choices and the rest is history.

by the way, today is my mom's birthday!! I found out twins on my birthday! I'll report on that day in less than a month.

Wow, amazing..three years ago today!

Yes we are this crazy, Introducing the newest member of our family

2009-02-04T18:12:00.000-08:00

We have a new wonderful member of the Family to Introduce. Her name is Bella and she is a Staffordshire Bull Terrier or as people in the U.K. call her breed "the Nanny Dog" (due to their devotion to children). She is about 10 months old and we were lucky to get her from a friend who didn't have the time to dedicate to such a loving, energetic little girl.

She has fit into our family really well. She is house-trained and very well mannered. The only thing we really need to work on is jumping on people. She just gets so excited to see everyone.

The first thing the boys do when they wake up now is say "doggie house" and they head downstairs to get Bella out of her crate. The boys also like to play chase with her. They run and she chases. She knows to be gentle and she just adores them. The boys just don't like when she lays on their blankies but she just wants to cuddle with them.

Samson accepted her without any problems. He seems happier and more energetic. They already sun-bathe and cuddle by the back door (that is when there is sun)!

I do sometimes think that 2 dogs are easier than 1 although 3 dogs would be insane! So don't look for us to be adding any more dogs. Now considering fish or a turtle...so stay tuned!

Just a quick thank you to Laura for recognizing that Bella needed a family with kids and a quick nod to William at http://rockycreekstaffs.com/ who let us out of our deposit on a puppy puppy. The house trained puppy is a better fit for us. He has some of the greatest Staffy's out there! Bella is a Rocky Creek Staffie!

So here she is Bella!

March for Babies Kick-Off

2009-01-30T07:56:00.001-08:00

Today, i am kicking off my personal March for Babies campaign. My goal this year is to personally raise $2000.00 for the March of Dimes.

I have donated to many charities over the years and what I have found about the March of Dimes is that the mission is always at the center of their fundraising. Every event I go to or meeting I attend, there is always someone their talking abou their experience with the March of Dimes. The March of Dimes is so much more grass-roots than other non-profits I have been exposed to.

I always say that if it were not for the March of Dimes, my boys would not be here. I don't always tell everyone why this is the case.

My boys needed Surfactant to breathe when they were born as they were born with respiratory distress due to their prematurity and small size. Without it they would have died!

This is why I am forever grateful to the March of Dimes research....

The March of Dimes has a long history of funding research on newborn lung development and has invested over $12.5 million in researchers studying this important issue. One of the most important breakthroughs in this field was the work of T. Allen Merritt, MD, at the University of California San Diego Medical Center. His research showing the effectiveness of surfactant therapy for premature babies with respiratory distress syndrome (RDS) helped convince the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to approve surfactant therapy to prevent and treat RDS. Surfactant is a detergent-like substance produced in the lungs that aids in breathing. Since surfactant therapy became widespread, infant deaths due to RDS have dropped by over two-thirds. The March of Dimes continues to support research to develop new and more effective surfactant therapies.

The FDA didn't approve Surfactant until the 1980's. That is in all of our lifetimes. Had we been born this little and premature, we would have died. That fact always puts this into perspective for me. There is still so much work to be done so half a million babies have a healthy start in life.

Please help me support the March of Dimes by going to www.marchforbabies.com/karenuad

Here you will find my Walk team and how to sign up to walk with us or donate to our team.

Where is Santa?

2009-01-21T17:19:00.001-08:00

I was telling my friend Heidi this cute story and she said "oh you have to right that down." I don't know why I haven't blogged this yet. So here it is..

I took the boys to the bank to deposit some checks. I thought the bank I went to had a drive through teller but it didn't so I was forced in 2 degrees weather to take the kids into the bank. I was giving the teller my checks when I hear both my boys shouting "HO HO HO". Everyone in the bank looks and they are pointed to a dear old man who was short, stocky with a grey beard and rosy cheeks from being out in the cold. I tried to quiet them down but louder they point and shout "HO HO HO". Everyone cracked up laughing while I shhhed them telling them it wasn't SANTA. In the end, I hated to spoil it for them so I decided to tell them Yes, santa is at the bank.

Just ask my kids where santa is...they will shout "AT THE BANK" with delight.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-03T17:16:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a blessed holiday season. The new year is upon us and I have lots I want to accomplish this year.

1. I always have a New Year Resolution to send birthday cards out. I admire those people who always remember birthdays with cards that always make it to the recipient on time. I am always good for a birthday phone call and chat but cards have never been my thing. I say every year that this will change and I will again attempt it.
2. I want to get better organized. My new laptop will definately help with this. I can stay in bed and pay bills, blog, work etc. I just love this thing!!!
3. I want to work on my blog more. I want to customize it to fit my personality. Just have to learn how!
4. This year another mom and I who volunteer with the March of Dimes will be starting a NICU support group. This is a big project but will be so rewarding when it is up and running. I can't wait to report how the year goes with this.

5. This year I will get to my pre-marriage weight!! After years of infertility, twin pregnancy and emotional eating through 3 1/2 months in the NICU, it is about time I am able to fit back into my wedding ring. 15 pounds already gone, only 15 more to go!!!

6. This year Liam and Tommy will start pre-school. I feel the tears already welling in my eyes. Can't believe these were my 1 pound babies.

I won't bore anyone else with the rest. I am hoping for a highly successful and rewarding year. It is already off to a great start. Mark's new job is allowing for so much more family time which eases up so much stress on the both of us.

I also got a new digital camera for Xmas. I am just learning to use it so here are some photos during a pre-bedtime photo shoot!

TOMMY

William

New Mission--finding a cure for diabetes

2008-12-09T16:38:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, my dear 9 year old niece, allison was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. It makes me sick to my stomach to even type that. Our entire family is very upset but for some reason i am taking it extra hard. Sick children just tears me to pieces and when it is someone that i love so much it is horrible.

So this post is dediated to Allison. Who has brought so much strength to our family.

Allison was born just 9 days after my sister, Laura died from a horrific battle with tongue cancer. Allison is the reason our family pulled it together and had hope again. She was the bright spot in a very dark time for all of us. She is much to young to know the significance of the timing of her birth or how it affected our family.

Allison has always loved life. She has always been full of energy. She loves animals and babies. i always tell her that when he grows up and gets married, she should have 10 kids and 5 dogs. She will someday be an amazing mother. She loves to take care of things. She even called me all the way from Hawaii so i could make sure her Webkinz were all taken care of. LOL.

She loves my little dudes beyond words. If she hasn't seen them in a week, she will call to set up a time to see them. It melts my heart to see the way she mothers them and loves them. She will never know what that means to me. She can spend hours with them and not ever be bored with them.

She has a strength and confidence about her that I never had at her age. She is never afraid to talk to adults. She tells you what she wants and she knows exactly what she wants and how to get it. This will suit her well with what she is facing now.

She is just in the learning stage of how diabetes will change her life but if I know my Allison, her life won't skip a beat. She will find ways to manage this chronic beast and live life to its fullest at least I sure pray this is the case. It potentially can be life-changing and i am sure in some ways it will. It would be tragic for her to lose her zest for life.

My prayer is that in her lifetime we see a cure for this disease. She did nothing to deserve this but I am sure she will be an example to us all on what strength really is.

Love you Allie!

husband tag

2008-12-08T16:21:00.000-08:00

I got tagged from Laura at A View from Our House. She has beautiful engagement and wedding photos on her blog. I don't have a scanner for old pics and most of you know what my husband looks like although he looks completely and I mean completely different from when we first met. Even his sisters didn't recognize him in a photo I have sitting behind our kitchen sink.

Anyway, here's the tag...

1. Where did you meet your husband? In Mike Warbel's dorm room, my junior year at John Carroll University. I was on my way to dinner and then Mass. Mark said "you can't eat before recieving communion". I told my roomate Meg, "he's cute, too bad he is a jerk".

2.How long did you date before you got married? 8 long years. When we eventually did get married it was the right time!
3. How long have you been married? 6 years
4. What does he do that surprises you? Not much that surprises me. He did bring me home a puppy as a surprise.

5. What is your favorite feature of his? his strong body.

6. What is his best quality? determination and motivation and sense of humor.

7. Does he have a nickname for you? he as 2. 1. kare 2. O.K (stands for Oblivious Karen)

8. What is his favorite food? Pizza
9. What is his favorite sport? To perform, Powerlifting, to watch Football and Fighting (if that is a sport).

10. When and where did you first kiss? The day finals were over; outside Tavern Company (aka Tav Co). i laid one on him. it was wonderful!

11. What is your favorite thing to do as a couple? just spend time together. We used to play a lot of scrabble. We like to take walks and take road trips. Time in a car is good quality us time.
12. Do you have any children? Miracle momo twins who defied all odds, AKA little dudes!
13. Does he have any hidden talents? Photographic memory. He can remember the craziest things.
14. How old is he? 33
15. Who said I love you first? He did. He thought i was going to say it so he stopped me and said it first.
16. What is his favorite music? he likes almost all music. just not country.
17. What do you admire most about him? When he decides to do something, he totally commits to it and nothing will get in his way of succeeding and reaching his goals. Also, he always tells the truth, always!

18. What is his favorite color? Blue, definately Blue.
19. Will he read this? Most definately! he loves my blog and gets impatient when I am a lazy with posting.

Be Thankful for the Children

2008-11-30T16:56:00.000-08:00

Well this is the end of the holiday weekend. Since i haven't gotten a change to post since before Thanksgiving, I sure hope everyone had a Blessed Holiday. There are so many things I am thankful for. For one, I am thankful for the handful of people who actually care what I say in this blog.

We took the little dudes to Mass on Thanksgiving morning. The little dudes were little terrors during Mass. As they were crawling under the pews and turning the music missals into missles, Fr. Pete began his homily with 5 things to be thankful for. While I hate to admit, I forgot numbers 2, 3, 4 and 5. i do remember that number one was to be Thankful for Children.

I am truly thankful that i have the little dudes and that they have the abilities to crawl under pews and throw the Word of God. I am also thankful for all the other children we have in our lives, Our 2 nieces, 3 nephews, our friends children as well as the other NICU miracle babies that our still in our life. Each child is truly special and a wonderful testament to the goodness of God.

I look forward to this holiday season experiencing for the first time through the eyes of my 2 year olds.

Who's the real monkey?

2008-11-23T17:18:00.000-08:00

Ok everyone, I had been feeling a little uninspired lately in my blogging. It might be because my husband (my biggest blog critic) told me my blog was a little downer. I guess my posts on the election and prematurity awareness month were not very witty or funny. So in an effort to bring a light-hearted fun to the blog, let me tell you about the Burrows Family Sunday Morning.

We decided to attend the first annual Pet Expo at the IX Center. I still have this burning desire to add a new doggie to our family so i figure it would be a good place to check out some different breeds. it has to be the right dog for us. I am going to follow my head and not my heart with this decision (let's hope!).

We had a fantastic time. The little dudes had a great time meeting lots of new doggies. They showed off their Rocking Pony Croc shirts to all the reptile people. They seemed to like the reptiles a little too much (I am in big trouble). Mark even got to hold a trantula.

Tommy enjoyed the Air Dog Demonstation where the doggies would jump into a swimming pool. William enjoyed giving all the dogs huggies!

The best moment of the day came when the boys spotted the Chimp. We couldn't resist getting a photo taken (even if it cost $20.00). What we don't do for our children!

So here is the photo. I don't know who seems happier...Mark or the Monkey???

GET OUT MESSAGE- DON'T VOTE

2008-11-04T00:00:00.000-08:00

Today is Election Day and I am sure you all have heard the get out and vote message. I am here to give the anti-vote message. I believe that everyone has the RIGHT to vote but that doesn't mean everyone SHOULD vote.

If you don't understand the issues, DON'T VOTE.
If you get all your information from commercials or NBC, DON'T VOTE.
If you can't tell me what the candidate stands for, DON'T VOTE.
If you don't know the ideologies of democrats vs. republicans, DON'T VOTE.
If you are voting mearly b/c a candidate is a certain religion, race, gender, DON'T VOTE.
If you just like how a candidate speaks and looks, DON'T VOTE.

Just as there are many reasons to Vote, there are many reasons not to vote.

I have a real pet peeve with people who vote and truly have no idea why they are voting for the candidate they are or are so misinformed on the issue that they have no real grasp of what is happening in our country.

I respect people that have a different opinion than me and can back it up with facts and their convictions and beliefs.

So here is my message, GET EDUCATED and then VOTE!!

***Paid for by Karen Burrows*****

Continuing my dedication to Prematurity Awarenss Month

2008-11-03T07:09:00.000-08:00

What everyone should know....

Babies born at 23 weeks gestation have a 17% chance of survival.
Babies born at 24 weeks gestation have a 39% chance of survival.
Babies born at 25 weeks gestation have a 50% chance of survival.
1 in 10 premature babies will develop permanent disabilities, such as lung disease, cerebral palsy, blindness, or deafness.
50% of babies born before the 26th week are disabled; 25% of those severely so.
There is a greater risk of severe disability and lower cognitive function results for boys compared to girls. This supports the theory that male sex is an important risk factor in extremely premature infants.
In 2004, 12.5% of US babies were premature (less than 37 weeks). That is an 18% increase over the rate in 1990.

I know when friends and family are pregnant, I can get a little neurotic with how many weeks gestation they are and I get paranoid about preterm labor etc. The risks are real and the outcomes unpredictable.

I just want every baby to have a Healthy Start!!!

IT'S A BIRD, IT'S A PLANE...

2008-11-01T16:58:00.001-07:00

It's Superman X 2!!!!

Premature Birth - It's Personal To Me!

2008-11-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

November is Prematurity Awareness Month.

As you all know this cause is near and dear to my heart. Too many babies are born too soon and way too many just don't make it.

Here are the startling facts...

Prematurity has been escalating steadily and alarmingly over the past two decades. One out of eight babies is born prematurely in the United States. Preterm delivery can happen to any pregnant woman. In fact, more newborns die from premature birth than any other cause.

Today alone in the U.S. 1400 babies will be born to soon.

A baby born in Cuba, Cyprus or Slovenia is more likely to survive than a baby born here in the US - despite huge economic disparities.

These babies take months, and often years, to catch up to their peers. Some never can. Babies born too soon face developmental issues, cerebral palsy, blindness, deafness, respiratory issues, learning disabilities. Your child may be healthy - but these children will be in your child's classroom. 1 in 8, remember? Premature birth isn't just "something that happens to someone else". It isn't a distant, far away problem. It's effecting over 1/2 million families each year. And these mothers - they aren't drug pushers or alcoholics. These are regular families who get prenatal care, who do everything right - families like mine. But it doesn't have to be that way. Change is possible. But first, you need to be aware.

Please help the babies by signing the preemie petition I have posted in the sidebar and feel good that we are saving babies, together!

Introducing My Guest Blogger

2008-10-28T16:30:00.000-07:00

I have a very special post this evening. My dear husband, Mark, has kindly asked me if he could put a post on my blog. I actually think he thinks this is "our" blog. I told him to make his own blog if he has so much to say. I think a good title would be "The world according to Mark". Anyway, here it goes (I am a little scared)!!! Introducing, my loving husband, Mark.

"Five Seconds"

When I was playing high school sports, my coaches at the end of every practice would say "Five Seconds." It was a time for us (the students & players) to focus on our goals and reflect on ourselves as "Men for Others." I went to an all-boy Jesuit high school.

I have carried the "Five Seconds" to today. Every now and then I give myself "Five Seconds" to reflect on how I am as a father, husband, athlete, nurse, and person. I also use the "Five Seconds" as a time to think about and pray for others.

With everything going on in today's hectic world we have much to worry about (family, money, work, etc.). But when you think about your problems, there is always at least one other person that has it worse than you. Give "Five Seconds" to say a prayer or give positive thoughts to those that are having bigger problems than you. Give "Five Seconds" and thank God for all that he has given you.

After William & Thomas were born I did alot of "Five Seconds." There was a baby in the NICU about 20 feet from my boys who went to Heaven. I spent all the time thinking about my wife and boys and forgot there were other families in the same or much worse predicament than Karen and myself. I spent "Five Seconds" on that family that lost their child.

You would be surprised on what "Five Seconds" can do.

This post is dedicated to newborn baby Lindsey and her family. God Bless!

Call me Crazy

2008-10-16T05:21:00.001-07:00

My husband has been after me to post something new on my blog. I think it is quite funny that he even cares what I have to say on here. He even has some of his co-workers reading this. So for all of you that work with Mark, please post a comment every now and then. You can come out of hiding. I hear so much about all of you andI know you are out there reading this!!! LOL

Anyway back on topic, You can all call me crazy but I have had a burning desire to get a dog. Not just any dog but I want a....Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. Aren't they just so cute!! I have eyed them for years!

I think most women my age crave having another baby. Not me, a dog would suffice.

Realisticly, I know this is not a good time. I don't have time for a new dog. My life is crazy enough as it is. Having a 150 pound pooch should be enough. I truly am trying to simplify my life so why is my heart longing for a new doggie???? I keep thinking that I don't even need a puppy. An adult dog would suit me just fine. I am hoping this feeling passes quickly.

I even have names picked out. I like the names Honey or Olive depending on the dog's color.

Sometime's the fun is just in looking so I will settle to desire from a distance right now.

So that's what has been on my mind lately!!! Call me Crazy!

HIT THE BUTTON, HIT THE BUTTON

2008-10-04T16:35:00.000-07:00

It amazes me how kids just enjoy the simpliest things. As many of you know, my boys are speech delayed. They have their own twin talk but have not put 2 words together until our vacation. There is nothing like an elevator to bring words out. One of the highlights of our trip (for the little dudes) was the discovery of elevator buttons. As soon as we would open our hotel room door they would go running out "hit the button, hit the button, hit the button". i almost cried when they put 3 words together.

i think being a momo mom really makes every little milestone feel like a huge major deal that deserves celebration. Way to go Liam and Tommy. Won't be long now until i can't wait for you to shut up. Until then keep those words coming!!!!

Here are more vacation pics as promised. More Florida details to come.....

MUCH NEEDED FAMILY TIME

2008-10-02T18:08:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, Mark and I work different schedules so we don't need full time childcare. It works out well for the little dudes but not always the best thing for us as a family. Sometimes we both feel like single parents. With that said, we decided to take a much needed family vacation. Planning it was difficult as i wanted to fly and stay at a resort and Mark wanted to drive and stay at a motel 6 (LOL). We were going to Fort Myers Beach Florida where i lived for 2 years (1997-1999). It is a place near and dear to our hearts.

Anyway, we negotiated and decided to drive but stay at
the pink shell resort. I think both our ideas turned out for the best. We had 20 hours each way of family time. The boys did fantastic in the car. Mark and I got to talk and just be together.
The resort was fantastic and even met Mark's expectations which is not always easy to do.

We stopped in Savannah Georgia for a day. I always wanted to visit Savannah after reading 'midnight in the garden of good and evil'. Great book!!! neat city!!!

Here are some pics of our trip. I'll post some stories about it in the next week so check back....here is a preview of what is to come.... 'hit the button', 'catching up with friends', 'pickles', 'chasing the birds' 'Gerardo' and 'boating with bobby'.

All i can say is this vacation totally exceeded my expectations. We will definitely do family trips more often!!!

Wordful Wednesday--how small is a 1 pound baby?

2008-09-17T18:24:00.000-07:00

This is how i usually describe my 1+ pound babies. They were born....
shorter than ruler
head smaller than my fist
arms and legs the size of a finger
toes the size of a tic tac

Wordless Wednesday--Go Browns!

2008-09-03T00:00:00.000-07:00

How can our country allow this to happen?

2008-09-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

Don't mean to get polical on everyone but I saw this and had to post it. Very disturbing to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIdbYjmbFzo

Boo Boo of the Week

2008-08-31T09:59:00.001-07:00

I am realizing that with boys, someone always has a scrape, bump or bruise somewhere on their body. This week, Liam and Tommy decided to sneak in the office and climb on the desk....this resulted in Liam face needing to be glued back together. Sometimes I think I gave birth to monkey's and not little boys. He almost appears proud of his battle scar!

how people find me

2008-08-15T10:30:00.000-07:00

I always wonder how people find my blog. I don't get many visitors compared to others but it interesting. I loaded a stat counter which gives me this information. So far these are the searches that found my site...

"32 weeks" twins

Virgin Mary beginnings

kiddiepark ohio

quote from small beginnings come great things

the story of the virgin mary

Story of the Virgin Mary

monoamniotic when to terminate

can a very short boy grow to be a tall adult

ambassadors begginings

The one that most disturbs me is of course "monoamniotic when to terminate".....Hopefully they found out NOT to terminate a monoamniotic pregnancy.

I am sure whoever wanted the story of the virgin mary were disappointed to just see my boys giving her a hug.

Wordless Wednesday R.I.P. Daisy

2008-08-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Little Dudes

2008-08-08T16:00:00.000-07:00

I am a little late in posting this as the birthday was August 4th but we have had a busy week.
I am just amazed that 2 years have gone by.

To my little Liam,

I feel so blessed to be your mommy. I couldn't believe my eyes when I first saw you. You were so small and so beautiful to me. I felt so guilty that this was the way you had to start your life and I promised to make it up to you everyday. I hope someday you realize that I wished every moment that it was me fighting your fight. You have taught me so many things in your short 2 years. You never gave up even when you were so sick that we didn't know if you could take one more breath.

You love to laugh and you have always had an impish grin. Your eyes just sparkle with excitement. You are adventurous and good natured. You learned to climb out of your crib 4 days before your birthday. You keep mommy on her toes! You love all animals and even at 2, I see a quiet loving heart in you. You love to dance and run. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you! Happy Birthday!

To my precious Tommy,

You were my first baby I set my eyes on. I couldn't believe what i saw. You were so tiny. I never thought I could love someone so much. I am so sorry you had to start life struggling so much but it taught me and everyone who knows you so much. You were a fighter and you hated your ventilator yet you struggled so hard to breathe. You felt sympathy pains for your brother when he was so sick.

You were the first to smile and it melted my heart. You have a quiet way about you. You love to cuddle and laugh. You are a good natured little boy. You love to give hugs to all the animals. You are sensitive yet strong. You love to jump and throw balls. You are determined to get what you want.

I am so blessed to be your mommy. I love you! Happy Birthday!

Before you were concieved I wanted you

Before you were born I loved you

Before you were here an hour I would die for you

This is the miracle of love.

This is the Season

2008-07-25T16:38:00.000-07:00

Two years ago, this was my last day of work until I went inpatient in the hospital hoping to begin the journey of bringing 2 babies home with me. I remember I had just had my steroid shots and I was flying high. I did too much and had to lay down. It was a good thing it was my last day of work. I don't know how much longer I would have handled work.

I remember having all these plans of how I would spend my days in the hospital. I planned on watching the season of BIG Brother. I have to admit I am a reality TV fan and this was a show I could get into and it was on several times a week so I could look forward to it. I planned on learning to make a scarf. I had tons of books and magazines to read. I felt like I would finally get some peace during this pregnancy knowing that the boys could be delivered if a problem arose. I never dreamed their would be a problem. I had every intention on carrying them to at least 32 weeks.

Even though 2 years have passed, I still can bring up every emotion I ever had that year. It was pure hell and yet I would do it all over for the reward was amazing.

These next few months will be full of reflection and gratitude.

Dear God,

Please bless all the momo twins who were born early, all the momo twins still in their mommies bellies and all the babies in the NICU. Amen

NICU Birthday Party...We are 2!

2008-07-20T08:45:00.000-07:00

It has been a busy weekend. Yesterday, we had a NICU birthday party with all the kids we met that were in the NICU together during the summer of 2006. It is amazing to see how well all these miracle babies are doing....Here is a run-down of the kids and why they are true miracles!

Liam and Tommy(my boys)--born at 26.6 weeks gestation, monoamniotic twins, 1 lb 12 and 1 lb 8 oz.

Kiley--27 weeks, 14 ounces

Olivia--28 weeks

Luke and Owen---33 weeks, twin to twin transfusion survivors

Brigid and Connor--27 weeks (have a great birth story but not my story to tell, trust me..true miracles!)

Nicholas--24 weeks

Nicholas--23 1/2 weeks

The kids were everywhere and so much fun to watch.

So here are pics of Friends from the Beginning

Olivia

Nicholas
Nicholas
Liam and Tommy
Kiley and Tommy hugging (they were meant to be together from the start)
Connor and Tommy

Trying to get a group picture (never was possible!)

Of course, my boys already have cake on their face (before the singing)
Connor
Brigid

Luke and Owen

Feeding the Soul

2008-07-18T17:07:00.000-07:00

I spent my first night away from the kids since they came home from the NICU. It was a much needed 24 hour break. My dear friend Maureen invited me to the Chautauqua Institute to watch her brother conduct the Chautauqua Symphony.

The Institute is a place like no other I could ever imagine. Here is how their website describes it...

Many of the visitors who return to Chautauqua year after year describe it as an experience rather than a vacation -- a place for renewal. The Chautauqua Institution was founded on the belief that everyone “has a right to be all that he can be -- to know all that he can know.” The experiences come in many forms. A dramatic lakeside setting and the beauty of its National Historic Landmark architecture (it was designated a National Historic Landmark June 30, 1989) make the Chautauqua Institution a thriving community where visitors come to find intellectual and spiritual growth and renewal.

I think I got smarter just by walking through the main gate. It is a place in which you are surrounded by beauty, music, art and literature. I realize I don't feed this part of my brain or soul as often as I should.

It was amazing to watch a symphony and actually personally know the conducter (we went to high school together and he was my best friends brother!). We also got to meet the Cello soloist.

One thing is for certain...I have to go back to this place. It is indescribable.

Thanks Maureen and Family!!! You are all amazing!!!

Here are some pics...

Me and Maureen in front of the Antenaum Hotel
Relaxing at the after symphony party in the gazeboMaureen, Mary and Dan Meyer (the conductor)
Mary, Dan and Zuill Bailey (the chellist)

Wordless Wednesday--Fingerpainting in the Bathtub

2008-07-16T00:01:00.000-07:00

My first Tag

2008-07-13T18:05:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by Laura to post 10 things I can't do without so here goes...

TEN THINGS I CAN'T DO WITHOUT (I excluded family, faith and friends b/c that is a given). This is a more superficial top ten list. In no particular order.....

1. Tea (my usual drink of choice)
2. Sleep
3. Cup holder in my car
4. Chair at work (everyone knows not to sit in it)
5. The necklace Mark gave me for a wedding gift
6. Television
7. My porch swing
8. Aveda products
9. Online Banking
10. Heated seats in my car

Not real interesting but this was much much harder than I thought. I guess that is a good thing! I am not attached to much.

New Experiences

2008-07-12T16:17:00.000-07:00

This summer has been filled with new experiences for our little dudes. If anyone knows how to get them to smile in a picture, please let me know. They are really happy and fun little guys but the pictures just don't do their personalities justice. They always look so scared....although I think they were at Kiddie Park and on the Pony's.

It is turning out to be a wonderful summer.

Riding the Rocket ship at kiddiepark
riding the race cars at kiddiepark
Powerlifting Liam....SOOOO strong!!!!
Jockey William proudly wearing his t-shirt from The Rocking Pony (thanks Karen!)

Jockey Tommy also in his Rocking Pony T-shirt...he is definately not a natural on a horse!

From the looks of it, I don't think either of my boys will be astronauts, weight-lifters, race-car drivers or jockeys...LOL....I think we can add model to that list as they never want to smile for pictures or maybe mom was just not meant to be a photographer!!!

Samson and Daisy

2008-07-11T18:49:00.000-07:00

My husband (since he now is an avid reader of my blog) has been critiquing my blog postings (thanks, honey). He mentioned that I have never mentioned the other 2 members of our family. So here is a posting all about our first babies.

Samson is our 7 year old Bullmastiff. He weighs in at 150 pounds. He was born in California and we had him shipped on Continental airlines when he was a little puppy. He was so cute and tiny. He was purchased to be "my" dog but he bonded more with hubby and he doesn't listen to me at all. He loves car rides, begging for food and napping. He is a lazy dog who's snores can rattle the floors. He is a gentle giant.

Daisy is our pitbull. I never thought I would own a pitbull but my husband knew someone who had rescued her but could not keep her. He just brought her home without asking me and I fell in love with her. She jumped into my arms and never looked back. She loves to snuggle with me at night and she is excellent with the little dudes. She loves running up and down our fence and giving kisses. Liam loves running around the house saying "Daisy, Daisy". One of the few words he does say.

It doesn't feel right not to mention one more beloved doggie who has already gone to rainbow bridge. His name was Jackson. He was a Bassett Hound. He loved eating, sleeping and laying on my lap. There are too many good stories to tell about Jackson so I will save it for another post. He will never be forgotten.

Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

2008-07-06T09:48:00.000-07:00

Karen at The Rocking Pony had this on her blog and I liked it so I thought I would do my own. So here goes....

20 years ago--I was in high school about to start my sophmore year. I had found my high school BFF's. The best group of girls one could hope for in getting through the teen years and beyond. I think that summer I got my first job as a sandwich artist at the first Subway in town. I hated that job. I watched a lot of MTV and talked on the phone.

10 years ago--I lived in Fort Myers Florida. My sister was dying of tongue cancer so I traveled between Florida and Ohio every month. Mark and I were dating and as he recalls, I was pressuring him into marriage. LOL. I was making new and wonderful "Florida Friends".

5 years ago--Mark and I were married for almost a year. I was busy studying for my doctorate. We had just started trying to have a family.

3 years ago--Mark was starting nursing school. We were taking a break from trying to have a family.

1 year ago--I was busy preparing for Liam and Tommy's first Birthday party. We had 60 people plus a hayride!!! Life was working out so much better than I could ever have hoped for!!!! I was tired. Raising twins is so rewarding and so exhausting!

Yesterday--Mark worked as he is now an R.N. and I took the kids tokiddiepark
with my parents. It's now all about kids (the way it should be)!
Today--Family day, took the little dudes out to breakfast and we are just leaving for the zoo.
Tomorrow--Back to work after the holiday weekend. Snuggle Bugs at the library in the evening.

Today is a National Holiday!

2008-06-30T17:36:00.000-07:00

Do you know which it is? My guess is that you don't. At least in our home, it is a national holiday.... Today is my husband's birthday. His 33rd to be exact! It has always been a very important day to him. He beams with pride at just the mear mention of June 30th. I actually find it quite enduring. I wish I could look at my birthday with such child-like excitement.

Mark---I hope you had a great day. I love you and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! You have about 3 more hours to soak it all in!

From Small Beginnings, Come Great Things

2008-06-13T11:23:00.001-07:00

I thought I would write a post to explain the Title of my Blog. This title is a Proverb that I read while my boys were in the NICU. It just always stuck with me.

Most of this post actually is from a talk I gave to our local March of Dimes Board Members. I revised it a little for the blogging world.

“From Small Beginnings, Come Great Things” --Proverb

Our sons, William and Thomas were born on August 4, 2006 at 26.6 weeks gestation, over 13 weeks too soon. William and Thomas are monoamniotic/monochorionic (mono/mono) twins. This means they shared the same placenta and same amniotic sac. This is a very rare condition affecting around 1 % of all identical twins. The risk in pregnancy to this type of twin is cord entanglement and cord compression because they are missing a separating membrane keeping their umbilical cords apart. If cord compression occurs and the babies are not able to be delivered, it leads to fetal death.

We found out at 13 weeks of pregnancy that our babies were only given approximately a 50-50 chance of surviving and if they did survive they would be very premature. We were told by the first high risk doctor we consulted that terminating the pregnancy would be our best option. I was horrified as this would never be an option for us EVER! It had taken us 3 years to even get pregnant. How could anyone ever consider this an option? I will never understand. Every baby deserves a fighting chance. We immediately found a new new risk OB who took wonderful care of all of us.

Mono/mono twins are usually delivered between 32-34 weeks gestation. After this time, there is more danger to them inside than out. Therefore, best case scenario is that they were to be born 8 weeks too soon.

There are 2 terribly difficult things with this type of pregnancy. One is that on a day to day basis, I never knew if my babies were alive or whether they had passed away from cord compression. I can’t describe the anxiety this caused me.

The other horribly difficult thing is that we had to make a decision as to when we felt the babies were viable. At this point of viability, I would be hospitalized and monitored with non-stress tests (NST). The babies would be delivered if they went into distress. Technically, babies can be viable at 24 weeks but rarely without major health issues. How does a mother decide the time when her babies would be better off not to be born vs. giving them a fighting chance? It is the one of the most heart-wrenching decisions I believe a mother can make. I spent many hours reflecting, praying, researching and talking with close loved ones. I was going to have to live with this decision good or bad the rest of my life and my two unborn children lives were riding on it.

I ultimately decided to be hospitalized at 25 ½ weeks gestation. I have no great reason why I chose this. It just felt right. I believe many people thought I was crazy for going in this early. Luckily it wasn’t their decision but mine. My heart just knew it was right. I was only inpatient 9 days when Thomas went into distress and our boys were emergently delivered. It all happened so quickly. I wasn’t ready to have them. Up until this time, their testing all looked great. In the last 15 minutes of monitoring for the morning, Thomas’ heart-rate dramatically dropped. I was put under general anesthesia and I did not know for a few hours if my babies survived delivery.

Luckily, they did survive. William Thomas weighed just 1 pound 12 ounces and Thomas William 1 pound 8 ounces. We were thrilled they were alive but the next 3 months in the NICU was a rollercoaster ride. ......FROM SMALL BEGINNINGS.....

They wheeled me in after the C-Section in my hospital bed. I realize now that this seemed to only happen when they didn’t know if the baby would survive. My husband waited so we could see the babies together for the first time. We immediately Baptized the boys. It was a very special moment for us. It was the beginnings of our family and at the time we didn’t know what the future held of it. The boys were so tiny. They had all the major parts just so tiny. They were just beautiful in my eyes.

We first were cautioned that the first 72 hours were critical. They would have ultrasounds to look for brain hemorrhaging. We felt like we dodged a bullet and their head scans remained clear. They could not breathe on their own. It felt like forever for them to come off the ventilators. They had some bleeding in their lungs and had to be put on a special oscillator ventilator for their delicate lungs. I didn’t get to hold my babies for 4 weeks. I believe I was still in a state of shock that first month. I met some other mothers with micro-preemies in the NICU and that helped me transition to life in the NICU.

The second month was mostly dealing with breathing issues. They went from ventilators to c-pap to nasal cannula and then finally breathing on their own. This process seemed to take forever. They had good days and bad days. It was very scary to walk in the NICU to see a team of nurses “bagging” your baby to bring him back from the brink of death. I would enter the NICU and peak around the corner to see if there was any activity in our little corner. We learned what every beep and click meant from the machines in that place. It was extremely difficult when I held my babies and they stop breathing or dropped their oxygen level and heart-rate and the nurses would have to come and revive them. I don’t know if I will ever get over that feeling of helplessness and fear. It was hard to have to ask for “permission” to be able to hold my own baby. It just didn’t seem right. This wasn’t how this was all supposed to happen.

The third month brought us 2 nasty infections and we again did not know if they would survive. Those were some of the hardest days in the NICU. The babies were obviously suffering and I felt like I did this to them. I couldn’t hold them or give them comfort. I could only just watch them in their little incubators fighting so hard to stay alive. They eventually were able to fight the infections off. They survived it but I still don’t know if I have.

Things started looking better until the day we were to bring Thomas home and a hernia was discovered and we found out instead of bringing one of our babies home, he would be having surgery. The following day William’s hernia was found and he had surgery 2 days later. It was horrible to see our babies who didn’t even weigh 4 pounds undergo surgery and end up on a ventilator again for recovery. They somehow were able to survive all this along with all the other “normal” preemie issues (ROP, elevated bilirubin, blood transfusions, etc).

We saw every baby in the NICU from when we entered go home. We celebrated with many of these mothers but our heart ached that we were not going home. We developed relationships with many of the nurses and other NICU moms. These are amazing women who got us through the hardest days.

It took 94 days for Thomas to come home and 101 days for William to come home. These days forever have changed me. It has made me believe that miracles can happen, even for us. I don’t know if words could ever really communicate what life is like living a high risk pregnancy and 3 months of living in the NICU. I find most people don’t really understand. They mean well. I just think it is just impossible for most people to understand what it is like to not know day after day, week after week if your baby is going to survive inside of you and then outside. The only people who do “get” it are those who have lived it. I am lucky that I met a nice group of NICU mom’s and we still stay in touch and get together.

The boys will turn 2 this August. They are bright, beautiful and very special. They have defied all the odds and all the world has to offer is in front of them.

I still deal emotionally with the entire experience even after all this time but I want to use it for the greater good. I am determined to make sure my boys are aware of all the amazing people who prayed for them, who took care of them and who made our miracle happen.....COME GREAT THINGS!

I am lucky to have had support from wonderful family and friends. No one should have to go through this alone. Hopefully one day, no one will ever have to go through this at all!!

The story of the Virgin Mary

2008-06-03T11:50:00.001-07:00

I guess I want to elaborate on the picture of the boys hugging the Virgin Mary Statue.
First off, I want to say that for those who don't know us well.....we are Catholic and I have always felt a connection with our Blessed Mother. When we bought our house (an 100 year old former convent), I placed our Virgin Mary statue at the gates where we enter the yard.

Back in the spring, when the boys were first let out to toddle around the yard, one of them (I think Tommy), spotted Mary from across the yard. His eyes got as big as saucers and he took off in a run towards her. Then Liam spotted her and they were in a foot chase to see who get to her first. They both got to her and started hugging and patting her. I couldn't get to my camera quick enough. I believe they thought she was a little girl. They stood by her for quite a long time almost as though meeting a long lost friend.

Now everytime we are in the yard (or someone else yard that has her statue), they will go and give her a hug and kiss. It just melts my heart. They love Jesus' momma too!!!

Catching up

2008-06-02T16:14:00.001-07:00

Sorry about being a bad blogger. We are outside playing a lot so I have little computer time. Here are some recent pics. I will post more about our day to day life soon. Enjoy!

Priceless!

Mother's Day

Liam and Tommy love their friend, Mary.

They hug and kiss her everyday.

Just playing in the yard in desperate need of a haircut!

Progressive Field--Go Tribe!
The Easter Bunny has some competition

but the Liberty Tax Giant stole the show
Liam playing at Kevin's graduation party
Just love their little faces!!! Can't remember what they are looking at???

March for Babies

2008-04-24T16:21:00.000-07:00

Our local Northeast Ohio March for Babies is this coming Sunday. I have to say I am looking so forward to it. I have personally met my pretty lofty goal and my team did as well. I feel so proud. As I have previously posted, we are the ambassador family for the walk. We get to cut the ribbon to kick-off the walk and I have to say a few words during the pre-walk festivities. I will certainly mention monoamniotic twins!!!

My only concern is that the boys seem to be getting sick or at least are miserable with teething. I sure hope they are their happy selves by Sunday. This would not be a good time to get fussy on me.

I'll post again after the walk with some pictures. If anyone out there in the blogging world wants to contribute to my team you can go to www.marchforbabiesorg/karenuad.

Grow, Grow, Grow

2008-04-10T05:16:00.000-07:00

I hesitate to post this as I have gotten some pretty interesting comments from people regarding this issue with my boys. Tuesday, we saw a pediatric endocrinologist as our boys just are not catching up to the growth chart. At 20 months, they weight only 18 pounds and are 2 feet 4 inches tall (or short). The good news is that they are growing at the correct rate. They just never had a growth spurt to catch them up the curve. So the doctor does not think they have any underlying medical issues. She is doing bloodwork to check for sure though.

So the issue becomes their height. At this rate, the doctor's don't think they would reach an adult height of 5 foot tall. Our option is growth hormone. This would hopefully allow them to reach a height of 5'5 ish. I am not a "vain" person or one of those mothers that particularly cares about their athelic ability or stature but I am concerned with the emotional ramifications of having adult children who aren't 5 foot tall.

At this point, everyone is probably thinking....do the growth hormone.....and I agree. My "motherly" issue with it is that it is DAILY injections from age 2 until they stop growing sometime after age 15. This is a big committment for mearly for what most people would view as a cosmetic issue.

The more I think about it though, it is also a socio-emotional issue as well. Identical twins get enough "attention" as it is. I hate their height to make them more of a "spectical".

They didn't come with tall "genes" to begin with as my husband and I are very short as well. i have no issue with it but I am a girl.

My other concern if we don't try it is that someday when my boys are grown very short men they will they come back and say "you could of helped us, why didn't you at least try". This can not be a decision made in retrospect. The earlier the better for growth hormone. They won't start it until age 2 though.

I do feel very fortunate though that this is our "BIG" issue. We could have it so much worse.

I guess it feels good to get this down. Hope I don't get judged to harshly for it. I just want what is best for my boys.

Remembering Continued

2008-04-03T06:03:00.000-07:00

I REMEMBER...

Flo, the cleaning lady in the antepartum unit and NICU who was an angel who watched over all the NICU babies. When asked why she doesn't retire "because the babies need me". ...and the mommies needed her too.

The day before I was to go back to work, William developed a horrible infection causing him to break out in spots. No one could tell me if he was going to survive. Needless to say, I didn't start back to work that next day.

Desperately wanting to hold my babies but having to wait 3 weeks for them to stabalize enough for me to hold them.

Sitting at their bedsides and singing them "you are my sunshine" over and over again.

3 bouts of mastitis, very painful, ouchie!

Pumping, pumping and more pumping.

Being told to stop pumping b/c they didn't know if my breastmild got William sick.

Being devastated thowing tons of breastmilk away knowing the sacrifice it took getting every drop into those little bottles.

Being in the NICU as a baby died. I still think of that little baby. Not sure why she died but it killed me to hear she was not compatable with life. How cruel does that sound.

Bringing donuts every sunday to all the nurses. Hoping they wouldn't get as sick of us as we were of them.

Getting 2 flat tires at the hospital and having to wait until 11:30 pm for Mark to get off work to take care of it.

ok, That's enough remember today.....I can only do this in little doses. It is hard bringing up these feelings again. Need to get these thoughts out so someday I will NEVER forget.

Remembering...

2008-04-02T11:16:00.000-07:00

My boys will be 20 months on April 4th and

I can remember....

Barely seeing a second line on a HPT and waking my husband at 4 am to see if he could see one too!

Finding out on my birthday that there were 2 babies growing in me.

First hearing the words, monoamniotic twins and leaving the MFM's office hysterical (I mean hysterical) after he told me in no uncertain terms that I should terminate the pregnancy.

The Ultrasound tech telling me that she was checking to see if they were conjoined.

Finding Dr. Moodley and having him explain my treatment plan giving me encouragement that I could (but no guarantee) leave this situation with 2 healthy babies.

Explaining to everyone, that yes, i was carrying twins, but no, they may not make it into this world alive.

Being so careful of what I ate, drank and how I moved.

That I had a crazy hairy belly while pregnant, thank goodness that went away (how embarrassing)

Being admitted at 25 1/2 weeks for monitoring and finally feeling happy and relaxed that I would bring 2 babies home.

The horror of having Baby "B" go into distress 9 days later knowing there was a chance they may not survive delivery.

Looking into Dr. Pietz's eyes with tears and asking what their chances were, he said "about 80%"

Learning they only weighed a 1 pound 12 and 1 pound 8 ounces and Tommy came out not breathing. We needed some more miracles.

Mark waiting to see them until I saw them first and praying and watching Mark Baptize them. This was our family and yet we did not know what was to come of it.

Meeting Sarah for the first time and learning that her little girl, Kiley, only weighed 14 ounces

Meeting Erin and Carrie and thrilled I had some other mother's with Twins in the NICU to support me through this who truly understood.

Getting tons of cards, notes and gifts from loved ones. I don't know another time I felt so loved by so many.

Watching the NICU monitors relentlessly willfully trying to keep them from alarming. Much of the time to no avail.

The feeling of anxious anticipation driving the 30 minutes to the hospital every day for 101 days

This post will be too be continued....Too much to remember at one time! Wow how 20 months ago, my life changed forever!

Stalking the Easter Bunny

2008-03-22T16:03:00.000-07:00

We got 7 inches of snow last night. That's about right for Cleveland in the Springtime. ugh!
We took the boys to their first Easter Egg hunt and here is what happened...
Liam and Tommy weren't all that interested in the Easter Egg Hunt until they set their eyes on the Easter Bunny. They saw him from a distance and it was all over from there. They took off in a foot race. I believe Liam got to him first. He touched and laughed and squeezed the Easter Bunny's nose. He tried with all his might to get the Easter Bunny to pick him up. Tommy was no different. We tried to distract them by taking them to another room but all they did was race back to the big furry bunny. The other kids around didn't bother them. They squeezed there way in to get a feel of him. We actually had to leave the event early because I couldn't get the boys away from the Easter Bunny. I think the Easter Bunny is going to have nightmares tonight about 2 little boys hunting him down. LOL
Anyway, we had a nice day and here are some photos (I sure wish I was a better photographer)...and 1 more thing..... I know I should have gotten my money back on their haircuts. I didn't realize how bad they were until we got home. That is a story for a different post!

Birthday Eve

2008-03-21T05:07:00.000-07:00

Well, tomorrow I turn 35. My age doesn't really bother me but for some reason I keep thinking about the fact that tomorrow I am 35. That means that if I live to 70 I am half way through my life. I got a wonderful card from my friend Maureen and in it she reminded me that we have now been friends for 20 years. That just seems impossible. We became friends in high-school. That couldn't possible be 20 years ago. It seems like yesterday I was driving my red Sundbird listening to New Order and Depeche Mode. I loved music back then. I have no idea about today's music.

Another thing that keeps coming through my head is that I have now out-lived my sister by 5 years. For those who don't know, I lost my sister, Laura (age 30), Feb. 6, 1999 to a horrific battle with tongue cancer. I feel like I have had a very trying and emotional decade from age 25 to now age 35. I am hoping age 35-45 is a little more mundane and routine. In the last 10 years, I lost my sister, I moved from Florida back to OHio, I bought a house, got married, lost my father in law suddenly to a stroke, dealt with infertility, got my doctorate, finally got pregnant with momo twins, Liam and Tommy born 13 weeks too soon, (and those are only the things I would share) etc. etc. So the last 10 years have been filled with lots of emotion, some good, some bad. Life has certainly been a journey. One thing is for sure, my life has never been boring.

I am lucky to be surrounded by people I love and people who love me. I wouldn't change it for anything.

So, Happy Birthday to me and to all who look forward to there lives and everything it has to offer!

Cherry Valley Lodge

2008-03-17T07:49:00.001-07:00

We had our first Family "mini" vacation this past weekend. We took the boys to Cherry Valley Lodge and Coco Key indoor waterpark with my husband's family. We had such a great time. Liam and Tommy were a little slow to warm up to the waterpark. I don't think they were scared. I just don't think they knew what to do. They figured it out and had a great time.

They really enjoyed the hotel room. The water must have worn them out b/c they took great naps and slept at night for 12 hours. They loved hiding under the sinks and running around the room. They loved they could get off the bed all on their own.

Thanks to my mother in law, Mark and I got some alone time as well. We enjoyed sitting in the outdoor spa.
It was wonderful to reconnect as a family. Balancing work and family is a constant struggle for us. With working such opposite schedules, family time is so important. Our schedules make it great that the boys don't have to go to daycare but we do sacrifice family time together. It makes me sad sometimes. Weekends like this really energize me. I mentally feel so much bettter.

My only regret from the weekend is that I didn't take any pictures. i am terrible like that! The boys looked so cute in their little swim trunks.

Now I know they are such great travellers...Florida here we come!!!!!

Walk Ambassadors

2008-02-29T04:19:00.000-08:00

This past Tuesday was our March of Dimes, March for Babies walk kick-off event. This year, William and Thomas were selected as the Walk Ambassadors. The kick-off was a nice event and I spoke to the group about our experience with a high risk pregnancy and micro-preemies. I have spoken about this publicly now a number of times but it never gets easier. I always get choked up while saying that they were born 13 weeks too soon and that they weighted only 1.12 and 1. 8 ounces.

I am so proud of my William and Thomas. They know how to work a crowd. They were up well past bedtime but still managed to smile and laugh at everyone they met.

For anyone who wants to view our walk page or contribute to our March for Babies campaign, please go to www.marchforbabies.org/karenuad

We are honored to represent the March of Dimes. Without the life-saving surfactant that the boys were given at birth, they would not be with us today. I want to make sure the March of Dimes continues supporting research to give every baby a healthy start.

Over the River and through the Woods

2008-02-22T16:18:00.000-08:00

Mark took the boys on their first sled ride. Looks like they had a good time while I was at work. From what I hear they only fell out twice. I got 2 tough little dudes.

Wicked!

2008-02-21T05:00:00.001-08:00

Last night, I actually did something spontaneous. My friend Kellie called and offered me a ticket to see Wicked. I called everyone I could think of to babysit since Mark is back on nightshift for a few weeks and my friend and co-worker Nori came through for me.

I got the boys down to bed and left for the theater. It felt so amazingly good to get out and do something just for myself. It felt good to do something so spontaneous. My life has to be so planned and scheduled now.

The performance was so creative and wonderful. I would see it again.

So here is great thanks to Kellie, you made my week!!!! You are an amazing friend!

Stranger, Stranger, Stranger

2008-02-19T07:46:00.000-08:00

The last 2 weeks have been filled with Stranger Anxiety. Poor little Tommy won't let me put him down in the morning. I think he fears I will be leaving for work. After I put on my work clothes it gets even worse.

To make matters worse for the poor little guy, we have been having babysitter issues. I think I finally found somone, Linda. She is 58 and I think OCD when it comes to cleanliness. My biggest issue is letting someone take over some of the duties in my home. I am well aware that I am not Martha Stuart but I think Linda might be. People think I am crazy for not jumping with joy over her but how would everyone like Martha coming into their home and critiquing it. Actually, I don't think Linda is judging me (at least not to my face) but I do think she in genuinally tring to help me out. She wants me to have list of chores for her to do. She also will only feed the boys healthy foods. Again, this is wonderful but that just means I always have to healthy foods to feed them. I tried getting her to feed them PB& J but she would not do it. She made the eggs, green beans, carrots, broccoli and apple sauce.

So I guess I just have to get over my feel of inadequacy when it comes to homemaking. The home is the people not the dirt and in that case. Our home is filled with love!

joining a CSA

2008-02-18T04:51:00.000-08:00

I am so excited. After being on a waiting list for a year, I was offered a share in a CSA (community supported agriculture). It is a wonderful way to eat local food and support the small farmer. I also want to teach my children where food comes from and to respect it.

They also offer some programs for children (although mine are too young right now) and they offer farm work days. This just made my day!!!!

Now all I have to wait for is spring!!!!!

My First Blog Entry

2008-02-14T05:39:00.000-08:00

Well, I have decided to enter the world of Blogging. Not sure why but maybe someday William and Thomas can read of all the things they did when they were little.

Eventually, I will write the story of their birth.

Right now, William and Thomas are taking a nap. Samson and Daisy are sound asleep as well. I have the day off of work and I am enjoying some peace and quiet which I don't get much of these days. I wouldn't change it for anything but some quiet is a nice luxury these days.

I don't know who will read this and I hope eventually I will have something more exciting to say.

The picture on top is one of my favorites of the boys. It was Taken on Valentine's day 2007. The boys were 6 months old. It was the first day they rolled over. It was a huge milestone for them and me. I started to really feel that they were going to be alright.