Monday, January 10, 2011

Tommy knows...

Since my last blog, I begin the denial portion of this grieving process. I had my mom bring Tommy in to my office so I could retest him. Of course I came up with similar results. I just needed to test him myself. One thing that triggered my denial was that my mother, his teacher, his speech therapist told me that they do not "see" the hearing loss. Mark and I both notice the hearing loss and have for a few months. I will always question when the hearing loss began if I could of or should of diagnosed it sooner. This will always haunt me but the truth is that Tommy's speech is age appropriate and he is just as "smart" as his twin brother. There was no indication before the last new months that he nother more than chronic OM.

Also, the day I tested Tommy, I told him about his hearing loss and that he would be getting hearing aids. He smiled ear to ear and said "so I'll be able to hear again". I almost burst into tears. He seems pretty accepting and excited about the hearing aids.

I also told Liam about Tommy and his hearing (since Tommy can't hear our laptop at home). Liam turned to Tommy and said "it's OK Tommy, I have hearing aids too. They are just in my heart!". I have no idea what this means but it sounds super cute and super sensitive to the situation. He keeps saying that when the topic comes up. Maybe Tommy understands it. LOL

Also, since Tommy was so excited about the hearing aids I went ahead and made his earmold impressions. I just have to place the orders, if I ever could make a decision.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

A New Year, A New Challenge

I am starting up my blog once again to help me and maybe someone else out there going through a similar challenge. I come with this problem from an interesting perspective. Here is our situation.....

I am an audiologist and I now have a hearing impaired child.

Just typing these words bring utter tears to my eyes. I want to say that I know this could be tons worse. He does not need a heart or a kidney what he needs are hearing aids. I never thought my emotions would be so mixed up and intense. I do this work on a day to day basis. I deal with these issues in other people's lives every day. What I am learning in this process that I know everything and I know nothing all at the same time.

I will be updating this blog with my emotional baggage in this process, with the process Tommy goes through, with working through the audiologic decisions I will make, with the reaction of family and friends and all that encompasses the hearing impaired world.

I am not going to go into much detail on his hearing history other than to say that Tommy passed his newborn hearing screen. He developed chronic otitis media and had 2 sets of tubes. Of course while he had active infections, his hearing was poor but after the first set of tubes his hearing appeared normal. He just had a second set of tubes placed and we finally got an accurate haering test and he presents with a moderate flat sensorineural hearing loss. I can second guess my process a zillion times but i believe his hearing loss has been a gradual diminishing masked by all his ear infections.

So audiologically, which hearing aid do I as an audiologist choose for my son. I have heard a few opinions ranging from "Karen, pick which hearing aid you are most comfortable with" to "Karen, stay out of this decision and fit the hearing aid that the audiologist who will fit Tommy uses most". Wow, 2 experts, 2 totally different views.

It wouldn't be bad except that my friend who will be fitting him uses a totally different manufacturer than I prefer. To get specific, my choices are Phonak or Oticon. The advantages of Phonak is that it is a smaller instrument, it is the choice of my friend doing the fitting, they are well known for pediatric hearing aids. The disadvantages are that I don't feel comfortable with their products, I have never had great success with them, I am not in agreement with their sound recover rational in a hearing loss like Tommy has.

Oticon on the other hand has the advantage of it is my preferred choice of hearing aid manufacturers (but I fit adults not kids), they have a line of hearing aids just for kids although their product is larger and I like their fitting rational of actually amplifying the high frequencies.

When I explained these choices to Mark, he thought it was a no brainer that we go with Oticon and I am leaning that way right in this moment. There are a few other considerations, I have to weed through like the school FM system and what I can get the manufacturer to do to help me with the cost.

I'll keep you updated on my decision.

I have called the school and they seem more than helpful in helping obtain the FM system for Tommy.

So these are these logistical things I have been dealing with and getting these decisions made are helping me.

One thing you may be thinking is what does Tommy know....right now we have not told Tommy anything. We will sit him down today or tomorrow before we go to have his earmolds made and explain to him as best we can about what will happen.

We are fortunate that our niece Allison has a best friend, Jordan who is hearing impaired and wears hearing aids. Tommy knows Jordan well and loves her and knows she has hearing aids. He also knows that Papa wears hearing aids. I am hoping this aids in his acceptance of his hearing aids.

I know so many people with far worse problems than this so I don't want this to feel like a "poor me" type of blog. It will be my therapy, my outlet, and my peace of mind.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Just testing my mobile blogger

Monday, October 19, 2009

How Time Flies

I have been neglecting my blog again and I keep promising I would be better at posting.

Here is a list of things we have been doing since my last post

1. Took a Family Trip to Florida. It was nice to get away but little dudes were a handful this year!
2. Liam and Tommy started Preschool!!! They love it especially riding the bus!
3. Little dudes started swimming lessons. They are usually off in their own worlds but love the water!
4. Tommy loves playing his CD's on his radio. It is his favorite thing to do now.
5. Liam will tell you that he is shy and won't ring his bells or sing at school. (Liam is not my shy one so that if so funny to us).
6. Probable Swine flu went through our house and somehow I escaped it! Knock on Wood!
7. RIP Samson. We said goodbye to our Big Guy. I still tear up at the thought of him. I loved that dog!
8. Redecorating the boys playroom. Taking me longer than expected but with me what else is new!
9. Starting to remodel upstairs bathroom, if only I could make a decision!
10. Loving life being a wife and mom! Nothing new there either!!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

You are 3!

Happy Birthday Little Dudes (your birthday was yesterday but mom had no time to post)

to my dear William,

This has been an amazing year for you. You started it with very few words and now I can't keep you quiet. You nearly bring me to tears at night when you tell me "I love you too, Mommy".

You hate wearing clothes especially your shirt and shoes. You get dirty very very easily but you love getting "hot showers".

You love to help mom by stirring your own oatmeal, putting the dogs in their rooms and clipping your car seat. It can be a bit of a power struggle sometimes but mommy tries to be patient so you can learn and grow.

You always tell Tommy you are sorry when you hurt him and you love to wake him up in the morning by singing "tommmmmmy, time to wake up". You and Tommy have such a great bond and friendship. You laugh and play and wrestle with each other.

You love to watch TV especially, Dora the Explorer and Max and Ruby and Tom and Jerry. I have to drag you away sometimes or you would sit for hours watching it.

You have grown this year and now are on the growth chart for weight for the very first time.

I love you so much. I am so proud of you!!!

Happy Birthday William!

To my darling Tommy,

You are my cuddler. Your favorite place to be is in my lap reading books. You love books, all books. I don't even think you have a favorite. You can read books for hours.

You have grown so much this year. You started the year barely saying a word and now you can't keep quiet.

At night when you go to bed you say "just one more kiss mommy, one more kiss". It melts my heart and you can get about another 30 minutes of awake time playing this game with me. You so know how to manipulate me already.

You are great scooter rider and are still getting the hang of riding the bike. You like to "peddle, peddle , HONK".

You love to play with Bella and will often take her into your bedroom and close the door just to have her all to yourself.

You love to listen and dance to music at Grandma and Papa's but will instantly stop when you know someone is watching.

You tend to be a bit of a poke and it takes a lot to get you to listen. I am trying to be patient with you and know that you are doing your best to please mommy everyday.

I love you so much. You are growing up so fast and I so proud of you.

Happy Birthday!!!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Dear Blog,

Dear Blog,

I have to write to apologize for spending more time on other people's blogs than spending time with you. I guess looking at other people's lives believing they live these perfect lives with spotless homes and well-mannered children and not a care in the world has been easier than spending time with you deciding what to reveal about my totally not spotless home and my children that are known as a "handful".

So to update you on our lives here is what is going on.....I'll start with today. Today we had a family day and spent it going to Hartville Fleamarket. It was a little disappointing but I did manage to buy some great Amish fruits just to find out they are not even from this country...lovely but thank you New Zealand for the wonderful grapes.

They boys are learning to ride big boy bikes with training wheels. William has mastered it quickly but Tommy likes to peddle, peddle, STOP! They thought they were all that when they rode to the ice-cream store.

On a cute note.....William got this ice-cream cone went around the side to the tables and then said "I want to say Thank-You". So he marched back to the teenager at the window and said in the softest voice "Thank-you". It's times like this when I think I must be doing something right!

I had a week off of work and I purged my home and had a garage sale. A lot of work for a very little money. I do have to say that the weather did not cooperate. Feels good to have lots of closets on the empty side.

The boys are learning what they can get away with which parent. Mark was at work yesterday and I told the boys it was time for "hot showers" (as they like to call them). I let them hold the shower head and spray the walls. Mark does not!!! When I told them this William exclaimed "spray walls, daddy is not home".

Tommy sometimes now refers to William as Tommy and William calls himself Tommy so names get quite confusing in our house. Somehow they never forget that I am mommy and if I go missing for even a minute I hear shouting "Where are you Mommy?, Where are you Mommy?".
Never a moment of peace of Mommy but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I am loving life. Life is indeed good but I think you have to know hard times to appreciate just how good Life feels to me now!

I'll try to be a better Blogger and not neglect you so much and I am going to try to envision everyone else's life just as crazy and messy as mine can be sometimes!


Saturday, July 11, 2009

Miracle Babies Turn 3

I can't believe how fast this summer is flying by. We are having a great time and the little dudes are enjoying every new adventure.

Today was a very special day for us. It was the Miracle Babies Turn 3 birthday party. This is a special time of year for our NICU friends. We spend our summers celebrating the very special lives of our amazing children. These special children have the most amazing mothers. These mom's were all told at one time or another that their children would either not survive or would be severely multi-handicaped. These mothers all fought for their children and valued their life despite odds that would make anyone shutter and question every decision. It is amazing we all came together and continue to support one another. All the children defied the odds. It is truly a celebration of life and love.

This year we all pitched in and rented a bounce house. The kids loved it. We was such an enjoyable day! Thanks Carrie for use of your house.

At 3 years old we still can't get all the kids to sit for a picture. It was better than last year so maybe the 4th birthday we will them all looking and smiling.

One more note....William was sick and could not attend. Broke my hear to leave him behind but it was for the best of all the children.

Kiley and Tommy, One special friendship from the start (Kiley weighed only 14 ounces at birth)

Miracle Babies, Luke, Nicholas, Tommy, Owen (on couch), Kiley, Olivia, Conner (in front), Brigid (missing)