Thursday, April 3, 2008

Remembering Continued

I REMEMBER...

Flo, the cleaning lady in the antepartum unit and NICU who was an angel who watched over all the NICU babies. When asked why she doesn't retire "because the babies need me". ...and the mommies needed her too.

The day before I was to go back to work, William developed a horrible infection causing him to break out in spots. No one could tell me if he was going to survive. Needless to say, I didn't start back to work that next day.

Desperately wanting to hold my babies but having to wait 3 weeks for them to stabalize enough for me to hold them.

Sitting at their bedsides and singing them "you are my sunshine" over and over again.

3 bouts of mastitis, very painful, ouchie!

Pumping, pumping and more pumping.

Being told to stop pumping b/c they didn't know if my breastmild got William sick.

Being devastated thowing tons of breastmilk away knowing the sacrifice it took getting every drop into those little bottles.

Being in the NICU as a baby died. I still think of that little baby. Not sure why she died but it killed me to hear she was not compatable with life. How cruel does that sound.

Bringing donuts every sunday to all the nurses. Hoping they wouldn't get as sick of us as we were of them.

Getting 2 flat tires at the hospital and having to wait until 11:30 pm for Mark to get off work to take care of it.

ok, That's enough remember today.....I can only do this in little doses. It is hard bringing up these feelings again. Need to get these thoughts out so someday I will NEVER forget.

2 comments:

Connie said...

Karen, you'll be happy you got it all down...I'm working on it as well, and get very overwhelmed.

Erin said...

It helps to get it all out sometimes. The comment about the little baby was a hard one to read. I know that it affects the staff in the NICU but they try to distance themselves as it is their job and so much of that would be so emotionally consuming. I just wish sometimes I had that ability to cope so well.